beviebeane's Xanga

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Mon, 17 Dec 2007 03:39:00 GMT

yes, xanga really is a thing of the past.

look me up on facebook. i'm there. so are my blogs.

and here and everywhere really. just scream my name out really loud and i'll hear you, guaranteed. unfortunately i can't fly yet, so i can't get to you but i'll hear your scream. my kids will be able to fly, but not me, not yet.

Delight the senses 2007

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 21:54:59 GMT

Esther open-tagged all university students....a long time ago. i am just getting around to reading the last few months of xanga digests...

(instructions: list three things in each category that you'd recommend to someone. please be appropriate!)

See:

An intense rainbow falling into a perfect little Chilliwack country farmhouse surrounded by green GREEN grass, after a day of rain.

An unusually prolific peanut containing 4 seeds instead of the usual 2.

The panoramic sunrise view of Vancouver from the rooftop level of the Chinatown HON'S parking lot. If you're lucky, you'll get to share the view with my favourite seagulls in the city.

Hear:

My roommate's cat Maddie, who coos like a chicken.

the sound of birds at dawn.

A world class barbershop quartet or barbershop choir performing live. Barbershop harmony chords RING, and if you close your eyes and just listen, it's like a wall of sound that resonates throughout your whole body in waves. Absolutely amazing.

Touch:

My fiance Steve Hannah's hair. It's the softest, blondest stuff ever.

Taste

chop up some thai basil, garlic, parsley, cilantro. mix with olive oil, parmesan cheese, salt. Highly aromatic (if you don't like stinky food) but tastes like pure pleasure.

Taiwan Beef Noodle (at Granville and ~70th av)

Wacky cake with cocoa-coffee frosting. Aaagh. Vegan and so so so so good.

Smell

Rising sap in trees that filters into the air. Usually happens around the beginning of april, and makes the air smell sticky sweet, a bit like going camping in the forest. Makes me fill up with joy that spring has arrived!

Episode 002 - Revenge of the Nursery Rhyme

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 04:23:44 GMT

Episode 002 comes to you courtesy of last night's late night journey through the foggy muck (moggy f*ck?) of brain confetti...you know, that stuff that happens generally as you try to fall asleep. So I decided to write it all down.

Episode 002 - The Revenge of the Nursery Rhyme

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had SO many children, she REALLY didn't know what to do.
So she took them to the barber,
down at the harbour,
and commanded him to dye their hair blue.

Hickory, Slickery Hock,
That pig ran up her frock.
The dame yelled "WUN!"
The pig squealed "TUN!?"
Hickory Slickery Hock!

Hippity hippity hop,
the bunny hopped to the top.
The top fell down
bunny broke his crown...
Hip *ouch*...Hip *ouch* ...Pity...

For the vertically challenged sports enthusiast:

"Hickory dickory dock!"
The 'mouse'...ran up the clock.
The coach was mad
The crowd was sad
Bickering flickering jocks

We sang "Peas porridge hot" in Alison's warmup yesterday morning...got it stuck in my head, in various unorthodox configurations...

Seize courage not
Please forage gold
Squeeze orange by the blot
Fine glazed mold.

Freeze! Courage caught!
Seize! Storage'd gold,
Ease orange over naught
I've played, rolled.

Me's the boorish fought!
He's the foolish bold,
Tease the poor-ish into pot
Blind, payrolled.

Session 001 - "Style and Myles"

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 05:12:27 GMT

Here is the product of today's free writing session - no i'm not into hippy dippy freudian blotting neccesarily, just adding some much needed flow to my non-existent writing of the past many years. well, almost free, in that I gave myself the limitation that it had to turn out somewhat like a story. transcribed from my illegible notebook.

Session 001 - "Style and Myles"

Once upon a time, Style and Myles got muddled in a puddle.

Style asked Myles, "why would I get fried while watching forks fly out windows of no particular importance?"

Myles replied, "simple, my dearest Style, because the so called fork you saw flying out the window was no fork at all, it as a rather large broom on the brink of failure!"

Fried was just a manner of saying what was really true of course, that Style was merely seeing things of no particular importance. All this, but they still did not figure out the puzzle of the puddle! Why were they in a puddle when they got muddled?

"aha!" said Style to Myles "I think I know why every time I blink I get the muddles! It's because yesterday out a blue-orange coloued sky a fork fell and hit me on the nose when I looked up accidentally."

Myles looked up again and saw a beautiful blue rose tinkling with raindrops shining in the morning sun. It seemed to be humming a song,

"a dream is a wish your heart makes", like a music box! Chiming again again like in dreams, making everything much more real than it possibly could've should've been!

"A dream is a wish your heart makes! When you're fast asleep..."

I have finally identified my greatest fear. I'm freaking out right now. Aaagh!

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 01:37:03 GMT

I shall call it: RANDOMINDOORDIRTOPHOBIA, otherwise known as fear of indoor dirt that I did not create. Examples include, bathroom counter /sink edge buildup, dirty countertops, hair/dust balls, MOLD, MILDEW, other stuff growing on moist surfaces.

FUCK it's really bothering me right now, because i've just come out of a round of kitchen cleaning. Fuck Fuck Fuck I am just SOOOOO freaking out fucking anxiety attack i need to curl up in bed in fetal position and feel warm and dry and safe for a little while.

I'm not afraid of bacteria, but I have this really big problem with mildew and mold. weird, eh?

Outdoor dirt I am completely okay with. I'll stick my hands in good garden dirt any day.

Hastings street dirt I have a bit more trouble with, as it could possibly be infected with god knows what, but that's because the outdoors become indoors for the people who live on the street.

I am also very afraid of the inside corners of BOOTHS AT RESTAURANTS, because they have dirty sticky corners.

See, my room is messy right now. I don't mind it because it's my room and i created the mess. i just don't like dirt i didn't create.

AAAGH somebody feed me a valium before i jump out the window - - - - --

These are my greatest fears. Thank you for listening.

Fido! Another good Canadian film

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:21:53 GMT

-----begin-----

FIDO: really quite good. Can you believe they wrote the first draft in ~1994? familiar, yeah? You filmmakers reading this will know what I mean. Takes a long time to make 1 movie. Esp. Independent in Canada. 11Million budget, partially BC Film and Telefilm, filmed in Kelowna, Armstrong, Vernon.

Really colourful, idyllic 50's setting, with Zombies walking around. Nice balance b/t comedy and gore. Really quite enjoyed it. Go see it.

post movie, there was a Q&A session with the director and screenwriters, which was good, which, besides seeing the movie, was our main reason for going to the screening.

-----side note-----

Please watch "who killed the electric car". Reminder that EPIC convention for sustainable living runs this weekend at Canada place I think. google it for details.

------useful information ends here-----

man i feel so OFF today...like 40 % mental capacity honestly. Stupid alcohol...which is why i don't drink very much, and never on week days, since i'll be all dumb at school. And my hands are still shaking.

last night: catherine's bday
7pm: vfs karaoke (+1GranIsl)
9pm: home to change
10:45pm: head out to Mox's st. paddy's day party @ beaumont (+1MiscBeer)
11 something: "split a cab" with "Gil" over to Celebrities for some dancing
celebrities sold out because a guest DJ in town.
Assauged disappointment with a (+1Mike's Light) at the Fountainhead

(time stops being recorded after 11 something)

walked over to Crush to fulfil dancing craving. (+1stellaA).

Danced the night away and returned home safely at 3 something ...AM.

(+2.5H2O)

Slept till 1pm. Ate dumplings, drank more (+2H2O, +1CranJuce), curled up with Shakespeare in Love screenplay,

4pm: napped until 5:15pm

5:15: showered, tried to buy FIDO tix from the online service but they don't like firefox or safari so walked out to Paramont.

6:15pm: procured tix for 7:50pm showing of FIDO. (+1EarlGrey) at Blenz, waited for Chantal . Read poems by AL Tennyson.

7:30: into theatre

-----return to top? Y/N-----

i looked through my Grade 12 Yearbook...

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 00:56:19 GMT

i feel like not writing. not in front of all these people. what will happen if they see what I write? I will be exposed. And if I am exposed, I will die.

substitute the word "acting" in the above paragraph for "writing". This is the kind of stuff we learn to deal with in acting class, among other things, because, if, I am exposed, messy and private in front of everyone, what will happen to me? I will be real, and I will NOT die.

I looked through my grade 12 yearbook this morning. Everyone I knew, wrote a message in it. Sadly, but honestly, I can't remember who some of those people are. That is really sad. Of course I don't intend to forget, yet I do.

Not anywhere in that yearbook did anyone mention anything about acting. Yet here I am. 3 and a half years out of high school, and I'm ACTING. No, not singing in choir, no, not making political speeches, no, not painting murals in New York...I'm ACTING, and I'm happy.

Really happy.

So happy that in audition class today, I admitted how I really felt in my gut (angry+sad) and I burst into tears, and put it into the work. That was a great feeling. The script, the words took on completely new meanings, new life, because it came from my place of truth, and they meant exactly what they had to mean.

Rehearsing at lunch, by myself, I let a really heartwrenchingly gutwrenchingly sad thought take me over, and my monologue for acting class took new life. Sitting there is a pool of drool, tears, and snot, I read my monologue off the page, and it was truth.

Real truth.

Coming out of my core, my body, everything in life I could relate to.

Emotion, when chased, will continue to elude.
Emotion, when the need is admitted yet the result not chased, will love your gut and show itself and take you over. love it. let it in. let it out.

It's like the best thing...ever...besides sherbert.

I'm glad i'm not a university graduate, yet.

I wonder sometimes ...

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 06:36:10 GMT

I wonder sometimes ...
when you dream a dream that involves somebody else in a very specific way, do they dream the same dream you dream? Like,

If someone's in your dream at night
and you dream that you kiss them
you dream that you fall in love
are they dreaming the same dream too?

Do you meet in the mud of the night
in the cellars of your collective minds
both thinking that if you think hard enough
"a dream that you wish, will come true"

If someone's in your dream at night
and you dream that they kill you
you dream that you really die
are they dreaming the same dream too?

Do you meet in the mud of the night
in the cellars of your collective minds
both thinking that if you think hard enough
"that thought that you feared, will come true"

If someone's in your dream at night
and you dream you fly with them
both seeing the world with bird view eyes
are they dreaming the same dream too?

Do you meet in the mud of the night
in the cellars of your collective minds
both thinking hard to find out if
the other's dreaming the same dream too?

That's one of the many things i wonder,
because dreams often feel too real
to be just another fleeting figment of imagination -
because i've too often had them come true.

wedding update

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 20:33:41 GMT

Peter Breeze has offered to organize my bachelorette party. Yay.
P.K. (Pastor Edwin Kong) has tentatively agreed to officiate the ceremony. Yay.

she bangs she bangs

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 06:50:02 GMT

you know, I just realized that all these years later, the only reason I know that ricky martin song "she bangs she bangs"...

is because of william hung.

no other reason, and that's all the words i know to that song. two words repeated twice.

Actually i have a clearer picture in my head of what W.H. looks like than Ricky Martin.

Funny.

-----

Eddie Izzard's "Dress to Kill" is the best stand up comedy routine i've seen so far. Available for rent from roger's video.